Are You the Real Santa?

So I got to play Santa Claus for the Hispanic kids in one of our Library Out Reach Programs. It was great. I make a mean, and albiet, young Santa! My favorite part was the huge smiles all the kids had. One girl gave me at least 12 hugs and jumped arounding singing "Santa Claus, Santa Claus" a lot.
One older boy came and asked me, are you real? I didn't want to break it to him, so I just said, "What do you think?" He walked away with that question rolling around in his head.
Being Santa was great. I've played a few characters now for the library, The Cat in the Hat being one of them, but the cool part about Santa is you get to talk, not just walk around. On the other costumes, you feel like a mime. Dressed silly, and with nothing to say.

The Age of Myspace and Runescape

So when I was little, the library was a wonderfully quiet place you could go to get a good book, or study quietly. If you haven't been to a library recently, those days are Gone!
Now, the library is used less as a book place and more as a community center and internet cafe. I thought it prudent, that I include the most used sites and funny things about them on this library blog. yes, that seems prudent....

First and foremost use of the library, and not just by teenagers, Myspace. You can reach thousands of people at once online in Myspace, and I bet about 75% of those people are in a public library at the time. http://www.myspace.com/

And then there is the second greatest use of the public library, again, not just teenagers...
Runescape! I had lots of fun playing this game and telling Laffy taffy jokes to all who would listen... anyways... once again, if you go ont this gaming site, you will be confronted by thousands of people all at once.... half of which are in a public library. http://www.runescape.com/

So you see, the library is a place to meet imaginary friends and kill imaginary goblins, not a place to read.

And Now Back to "Frisbee Golf", Game of Gentlemen Who Can't Afford Golf Clubs

So there are always Interesting topics that people come in the library looking for information for. And with the internet now, the questions that they can't find online (which should be very few) are weeded down to us.

Things like the origination of the Vorpal Sword....? Where did the idea "Raining like Cats and Dogs" come from....? How long were the toes of the longest toed person....? How do you install a Home Solar Panel System....? How do you translate the Bible into Arabic....? Was Abraham Lincoln really raised in a log cabin He built with his own Hands....? Can I Have the Same Powers that Neo has in the Matrix...? Are Vampires Real and Where Can I Find One to Bite Me...? And my favorite (yes, I have a "follower" who asks me these type of quesitons all the time, and I can't ever answer them really), what is the linguistic background of the city name, Santa Catarina Mita or Quetzaltenango or Xela...?

Well, there are just a few of the fun things I get to answer and try and learn as much about as I can in less than two minutes.

Today it was whether we had a book about Frisbee Golf. Truth is, no we don't but we absolutely should! There are thousands of Frisbee Golfers who would like to know more about thier gentleman sport!

"Can I Leave?"

I had quite the interesting experience as a patron quietly approached me. She had just been given her new library card and she had used it to get onto the internet.
She came to me after and asked, "Is it okay if I leave now? I didn't check anything out."
It took me a second to follow her logic. What I finally figured out was that she thought that she couldn't leave the library without at least checking one item out. I almost said "no, you need to check something out," but I refrained and explained to her as simply as I could that using her card was completely optional.
If only all of our patrons thought that you had to check something out everytime you came to the library. We'd have a lot more books coming in and out, and I'd have a lot more job security. ;)

"I Need Books!"

So I was just minding my own business at the library, trying to shrug off and avoid all the political questions run my way, when a little boy approaches me and in desperation says, "I Need Some Books!"

I smiled. It was nice to have a question I could answer without losing my job. I pointed all around me to all the stacks and stacks of books. He looked around, thanked me with a nod of his head and ran off.

Wow, my job is so simple.

"I Have to Do My Homework"

Today was a phenomenon.
We have teenagers here all day everyday after school complaining that they are bored. They don't want to read so we give them other activities to do. LIke today, we had these Professional Pumpkin Carvers come in to show off thier work. Which was very impressive. They even made a pumpkin with a kid reading just for our library! Well, we invited all the kids to go and check it out. And they mostly said, that's boring. And then to make it even more frustrating, they would say 5 minutes later, "I'm bored." ... Teenagers....
Well, one kid came in and made me proud of the teenage world again. I invited him as he came in to the pumpkin carving extravaganza. And he actually said this, believe it or not, "No, I can't today. I have to do my homework." What!? I was so impressed, and doubtful, that I check on him periodically and yes, he was actually doing his homework. Maybe I should tell the kids that are bored to do thier homewrok since they seem to like it more than pumpkin shows...

Anti-Lingual Man and the Search for Recovery

Recovery Inc. is a group therapy program that comes to Kearns Library every Saturday to help people recovering from Depression.

Well, Anit-Lingual Man found a mystery and felt a need to solve it. Being a bit inebriated, he wobbled from employee to employee until he came to me asking about the crazy, depressed group that was meeting at the library. I told him about the program and gladly sent him back to get enrolled. We didn't quite understand if he was interested in getting some help, which we would love to grant him, or if he was about to terrorize them and tell them that crazies aren't aloud in the library... either way, we figured any help from some professionals would help.

Stay tuned as we follow Anti-Lingual Man from his search for Recovery, to, we hope, a Change of Heart....

The New Library Card

A man comes in and wants to get a new card. Yes, he had one before and lost it. I know, I know, it's one of the worst sins to lose a library card.

Well, we looked him up on the computer and he had a significant fine. He said, "Well, I want a new card."

We explained to him that he would have to pay off his fines first. He noded in understanding and walked back to our library catolog computers and we figured that was that.

He returned a few minutes later and requested a new library card.

We looked up in amazment.

"Okay, we'll have to pay the fines first and then we'll get you the new card."

He turned red, "But, I just signed up for a new card! I don't want to pay for that old one"

We almost couldn't control our laughter. People can be so creative, it amazes me.

And I Thought Being Bi-Lingual Was A Good Thing

So I have to say, I never expected this conversation. Usually, our Hispanic communtiy loves finding out that there is a person who can speak Spanish to them. Many of them still appreciate speaking english to me, but the like knowing that if ever there is something they can get across in english, they can ask me and they'll get taken care of.
Well, today, I found the Anti-Lingual Man. I was the only one at the librarian's desk and a half drunken man came to the desk. I have helped this man a few times now, but this time he stopped me and said, "I don't want any Bi-Lingual people helping me out! Everywhere I go, people are always sending bi-lingual people to talk to me. I don't want to speak to Bi-Linguals!" So I said, "Well, sir (and I want you all to understand, I have never spoken Spanish to this guy), I am the only one here right now. You can wait here until someone else comes, or I'll gladly come and help you." He grumbled the same sentence about not wanting help from bi-linguals and then I followed him to his computer to help him send an e-mail.
I looked at the screen and everything was in Spanish. he then asked me how to send an e-mail. I almost laughed my head off. How was anyone going to help him if they don't know Spanish. he even asked me what one of the phrases said...! So I told him what it meant and I showed him how to send his e-mail and I took off. If he didn't want my help, I didn't want to give it.
Well, he actually came up to my coworker a few minutes later and told her, "I don't ever want to a bi-lingual person." I just smiled. Finally, one less annoying person that I have to smile pretty for. I think I may have to do a happy dance or something.... wait, maybe not. I don't want to crack a bone.

Customer Service

So my title, until recently, was Customer Service Specialist... code word for "part of the team of people who have to deal with the angry, insane, or otherwise unpleasant people"... Having a job, even in the library... well, especially in the library, were you deal with strangeness, you're bound to have funny experiences. Here's one of my favorite.

A 9 year-old boy came up to the desk and looked into my face matter-a-factly and then he looked down at the sign on the desk which reads "Customer Service." I knew I was doomed right then and there.
I read the sign intently and then looked back up to me with a sense of authority.
He asked, "Can I have some Customer Service?"
I was impressed with the cleverness and thought I'd match his wit.
I responded, "Yes, How may I help you Today?"
He looked at me quissically, almost offended and said, "No, I want your job!"

I laughed, but he didn't when I told him I'd go take a break while he took over on his own.

Photobucket, Flikr, Shutterfly, Zoomonga... Fotki?!!

What kind of websites are these? Now photobucket I get, it's a bucket of Fotos. And Flikr.... well it does sound more like an unhygienic behavior involving mucus. But Fotki? Sounds like a naughty word... and Zoomonga? Sounds like a Japanese Anime novel about

Noah's Ark vs. Godzilla.

But hey, they're all fun web sites were you can do stuff like This!!!

When I think of turkeys, I'm also thinking about naughty, unsupervised kids

Why Did the Caterpiller Go To the Library? Because He Wanted to Be a Bookworm !!

So we have a new addition to our library pets, A June Bug. My wife found him on our front porch and instead of squishing him, we decided to keep him. When you put it like that, it's a good thing our parents don't look at us like we do bugs... I would lose with those two options (should we squish him... or keep him?).


Aren't bugs just the perfect little pets for a library? I have always thought we needed more fun pets at the library. We have shown off the awesome Tarantula, and the fun red ants and some pretty butterflies... all of which, except the tarantula (kid favorite, mother not approved ;) are all gone. We had some Gerbils.. but they've since passed on, and the birds I wanted to bring would have a hard time with librarians shooshing them all the time. But you see, Bugs don't make noise, and if they die there's a billion more just outside that you can fit into the cage before the poor kids even notice the difference...

So I like this picture. Tarantula vs June Bug. Who will win. Well, we've got big, hairy, extremely scary looking Charlotte (tarantula) in one corner. anf facing off with her, we've got Hiss (June Bug), buggy, yellow, "cute" and completely harmless but well known for it's devestating "hissy fit".... the only thing in the way of this epic fight are the butterflies, always the peace keepers they are.... oh, and yea, some glass is kinda in the way too...
Stay tuned until next time, when we see Armadillo vs. Pill Bug. Who's gonna get Rolled?!

BFF of the Library

Our Best Friend Forever decided he couldn't wait in line outside like everyone else last night. He decided he couldn't stand being away from us any longer and so he tried to get in and find us at the library. Sadly we weren't there to open the door for him so he had to go through the bathroom overhead window. Well, of course, the hardest window to get into would obviously be the best one to use. I feel so bad, like I wasn't there for my best friend or something because what happened next is tragic. He slipped on the broken glass in the bathroom and cut his hands up real bad. Poor little guy... At least he was already in the bathroom so there was a sink and tissue to clean up with and toss on the ground. Well, poor guy then searched frantically for one of us... any one of us to just satisfy his Kearns withdrawls. Well, he couldn't find us anywhere so he sadly turned to find a way out. Obviously he felt that climbing through glass would just cut him more, and he didn't want us to have to clean up more than had already been done all over the library. So he finally slipped out the front door. When I see him, I have a message for him... "When you really need to come and see us, use the door. It's a lot easier to break, no bleeding, and you don't have to climb on anything."

The Story Begins With A

So I finally got to this point. I have been fighting the move into Online Blogging about my Job, but It has become ineveitable. I love where I work. There are few places stranger than the library. I don't mean the building, though late at night in the library with all the lights off gives off a certain "Ghostbusters" feeling, but I mean the class of people frequenting the place.
I have few days go by that I don't get the feeling that reading and mild clinical insanity go hand in hand.
To give you an example, I have developed a certain O.C.D. lately. I can't go into a room with a book shelf and not notice if the books are arranged by the Heralded Dewey Decimal System. And if they're not, good heavens! Look Out! As I tear them apart and arrange them into Self Help Books and Self Destruction Books. And don't you even think about putting Tom Clancy and Jane Austen together. I'd be tapping the light switch and rubbing my belly until I burned a hole into my stomache. So my theory of Clinical Literary Obsessive Compulsionism even applies to the librarians themselves. Could you expect any less? Spending more time with books than with your own species can only lead to some social strangeness. I'm gonna have to ask a doctor about this....
Another funny thing you'd only understand as a devotee of the Library... I actually used the Thesaurus and the Online Dictionaries to decide on a URL for this blog. I mean, seriously who does that? Well, Apparently I did. Let me know, you other Online Library Gurus and Anti-Socialites if I'm wrong about any of this. So. I guess this begins, in the middle of the story of course, the story of my life in the Library... I hope I can survive it... and I really hope I at least get a cool T-Shirt.

The Library has gone to the Comi's

By Comi I mean Communist. NOw, I am in no way promoting or belittling any sort of politics. I only have this very funny story to tell.

I pulled up to the library and parked my car next to this old Buick. I was about to get out of my car when a kind looking lady approached my car door and handed me a pamphlet. I read just the title, which read, "Our Government are Communists". I decided to overlook the grammar problems in that title and glanced down. As I suspected it had everything to do with Anti-Government.
I looked back up at her and she said, conspiritorily, "Don't tell the Library that I handed you this."
I couldn't help myself. I wanted in on this conspiracy. I almost took the paper and joined in her alliance against the government. Okay, I didn't do that at all, but I did want to play along. Then I realized that I worked for the library and I could have even more fun in this conspiracy.
I looked back at her, with my own air of conspiracy and said,
"I work for the Library, ma'am. But I will keep this a secret." And I handed the paper back and smiled.
I loved it. I had just been involved in a "huge" conspiracy and and I felt like some sort of Library Spy. Super Cool!